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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.