Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
I look so young for my rage.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.