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"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I`m introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.