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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
I fake my lol`s