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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!