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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.