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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?