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I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.