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My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion