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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.