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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
only fights if pillows are present.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.