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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...