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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.