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I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?