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Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats