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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.