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I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
I liked you better before we met.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.