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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
I think my guardian angel drinks.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"