Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.