Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.