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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...