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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying