Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.