Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.