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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.