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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
I`m tired of things costing money
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?