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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Iām on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.