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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.