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when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?