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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Save water, shower together.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.