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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Some people just need to be clothes lined
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.