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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
Check this one out.........1
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.