Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?