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What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".