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I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
The secret to success is in my bra.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me