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I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe