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Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
Is Nudeism a religion?
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.