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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.