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If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
i only drink on days that end with y
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!