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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong