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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.