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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
Gym update: not there
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
My IQ? ... With google or without?