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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....