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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!