Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.