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You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.