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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you’ve got them.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
So... Where does one obtain minions?