Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.