Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?