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I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.