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I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.