Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.