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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.