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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!