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Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Never squat with your spurs on
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
awesome collection!