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Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
That`s not how I met your mother.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
It`s not stalking if you love them!
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.