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Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.