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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.