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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Your personality needs alcohol.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.