Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!