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When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)