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I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.