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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.